Blue Moon

I only want to say

That if there is a way

I want my baby back with me'cause he's my true love

My only one don't you see?

When my first husband died I went and stayed at a hotel on the beach in Florida. Back then my sister and I were close and she would always lend me CDs to listen to. While my husband was sick I couldn't listen to music. It seems this isn't so unusual because my fellow grievers in my support group would also talk about this. Listening to music was like being in the world of the living.

My sister gave me the Cowboy Junkys, The Trinity Session. The CD stayed in it's case for so long, collecting dust with all the others. When I first heard it I was on the plane to Florida. I would then sit on the beach and I would listen to Blue Moon over and over and over again.

I spent many years angry at my second husband for being sad, for not wanting to live. How could he not appreciate the very fact that he could get up in the morning, that he was healthy? It was easy for me to be angry with him, this way I wouldn't feel all the guilt I felt for loving him.

What I didn't know for a long time was that he was also sick, he had a disease. Addiction is a serious disease and instead of being supportive I was angry and unsympathetic and for this I am sincerely sorry.

So now he's in recovery and doing amazing. He is a wonderful man and a wonderful husband. Most days I can accept this wonderful life that I now have.

I know now how precious these days are with my husband, I know this disease can take over, I know addiction can make me a widow
again.

I kept him too tightly by my side

And then one sad day

He went away and he died

~