I want an end to addiction/codependency. I want to put it in a box, close it up and hide it away. Preferrably in a dark corner where we'll never find it.
365 days ago, at 10pm I drove my husband to detox. I thought that would be it, he'd come home all better, all cured and I could pack up that box and put it all away.
Next came rehab. Well surely this will do the trick. 30 more days should cure him. He'd come home all better, all cured and I could pack up that box and put it all behind us.
Al-anon would make it all better. I'd go and cry and complain and the people in the room would all have these great suggestions and I would go home and try them all out and we'd both be cured and the box would be ready to be packed and hid in the corner.
AA would definitely cure it. He'd go to a meeting here and there and the words would just sink in and change him for sure, thus changing me because my problems were really only there because he was sick.
A sponsor, I heard he needed a sponsor. That would do it for sure. And an angel appeared to me....seriously, this is almost how it happened. I will have to blog about this divine intervention. A (his sponsor) even looks like an angel. Much to my husband's frustration, he get's tired of hearing how handsome his sponsor is, even from other men!! it's so distracting....anyway, what was I talking about???
Expectations....I've had alot of expectations this year, only to be let down most of the times and unexpectantly pleased at other times.
I think the box won't get put away for some time. A year may have seemed reasonable to put this all behind us a year ago, but today he is sober, working his program, being sometimes wonderful, sometimes still an asshole...so today, a year later is like any other day for us recovering addicts and codependents, still too soon to put this all behind us, to put it in a box and to hide it away~
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5 comments:
If you find a box secure enough to hold it all, please let me know.
One year sober is a loooong time in addiction world. Count your blessings, missy:)
enjoyed this post
i heard somewhere recently that when we stop expecting anything, enormous things happen. easier said than done. take care!
hiya! i'd like a box too. to put away, never to be seen, heard from or thought about again... but that's not life, sadly. i love your reflections of this past year. reflections and expectations. the 1st year is so so hard. it'll get easier soon. the pressure is off. the memories no longer so fresh. 'last year this time' not so freightening anymore. well done, good luck, you have a lovely blog here!
I love your blog and wonder if I could add it to my blog roll. Thank you so much for your writing.
Gabi
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