Hey denial isn't so bad. Reality is what sucks.
So I am choosing to stick my head back in the sand and live life in the reality of my own choosing.
My husband's sponsor, my angel from heaven is perfect in every way. The same goes for his wife. I often say I don't envy anyone...I think this is a gift because I don't waste too much energy wanting what others have but when it comes to my husband's sponsor and his wife I am super envious.
In my version of reality they are perfect. They are my inspiration and strength and I need them to be who I want them to be. So I'm choosing to deny what is right in front of me and go on living my life without any fear because my husband's sponsor who is perfect will keep my husband sober.
I no longer need to be the typical codie who thinks it's all up to her to keep her husband sober, I've been given the gift of the "sponsor".....as long as he is perfect, life goes on the way I like it to go on.
Reality sucks. Reality is my husband's sponsor and his wife are human~not only are they human but they are Mr. addict and Mrs. codependent....this is not who I want them to be. They are supposed to be RECOVERED....addiction is not supposed to be an ongoing disease. My husband and his sponsor are supposed to be CURED in my denial world.
Back to reality world, my husband's sponsor used. He used, she went into denial and off they went into addict, codie world....
He used, he was using when I wrote my most beautiful post about him getting his three year medallion and giving my husband his one year medallion. He was using that day, that day I was sitting in my best state of denial, the one where there is a happy ending to all this addict crap.
He shit all over my fantasy.....
I'm staying put in my denial, my head is in the sand....each time Mr. Addicted Rantings wants to talk about what to do about getting a new sponsor I tell him to leave me out of this. This is not where I choose to go and I am very good, almost amazingly good and not going where I don't want to go in my head.....
We saw the sponsor and his wife for a pre holiday get together. They are wonderful, amazing, beautiful people and I still admire who they are. They didn't let me down, it's not about me....it's about this dreadful disease of addiction.
And the reality folks is that relapses do occur. Denial definitely beats that reality.
3 comments:
yeah, relapses do occur. sadly. hang in there.
Relapse need to be handled immediately. People in AA need to swallow their pride and accept the loss. They need to take the huge step by losing that pride and taking that new chip. And accept that what happen as a slip and not to put so much personal attachment to sober time. A lot of people in AA put too much emphasis on this "sober time" thing and it makes the process of recovery from relapse that much header.
If AA views relapse as the moment where everything ends, than the they are guilty of stinky thinking. There is evidence that they are wrong, wrong on this. And here is the link (http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1868965,00.html)
With my home meetings, I intend to bring the Time Article into the meeting to show that this evidence. We have to remember AA has invented in 1935 and addiction treatment has signficantly advanced in the last 73 years. However, it is dangerous to try to change a program that is so simple and has worked to save millions. What the AA community needs to do is open their eyes is that other treatments that can be used to supplement a 12-step program.
Chris is a loon.
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