OK, I was depressed, and stressed...there was a lot going on. Layoffs at work mostly was bothering me, daily life with an addict (even one in recovery) and there were family gatherings and flights to New York....It seemed I wasn't handling it all that great.
Along comes the magic anti-depressant pill!!!! Also in my book the anti-feeling pill, the anti-sex pill, the anti-will power pill...the eat all you possibly can shove in your face pill and then have no energy pill so your life consists of empty smiles and politeness, stress schmess, and a big fat belly that no longer fits into any pants in your wardrobe pill!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aprroximately 5-10 pounds later....I quit taking the damn anti-depressant. I didn't tell anyone. Thought no one would notice.
So I've been a bit more difficult to work with~scaring my coworker just a tad the other morning. But I have been more fun to go to breakfast and lunch with...making my just a tad obese boss not feel too bad about himself while others are munching their celery sticks we were bonding over the cookies!!
OK, the fit of laughter watching two Woody Allen movies last week felt damn good, haven't laughed that hard since starting the anti-depressant, anti-feeling fucking pill.
On the other hand I hadn't cried so hard in a long while as I did while watching some more old movies, Missing, Prelude to a Kiss and the ending to Annie Hall.
Yesterday I screamed at Mr. Addicted Rantings because he crumpled up all the laundry. Mind you I'm sure all of you who are married would also be a bit enraged at a 40 year old's lack of skill when it comes to the art of folding your wifes clothes instead of balling them up on of all places the middle of the living room in a wrinkled uncaring mess. I screamed and screamed and screamed until I thought I would rupture something in my throat. I could have murdered my husband over laundry.
So Mr. Addicted Rantings now works as an adjunct therapist and speaking with all his coworker therapist types came to the brilliant conclusion it may not be about the laundry.
Heck no, it's about Christmas and death that really was getting to me...........laundry was just symbolic of the lack of control I have, the crumpled up mess in the middle of my life.
So Mr. Addicted Rantings has a cure for all this emotion. The amazing anti-Loving Recovering pill...the pill that turns me into a stepford wife.............happy with crumpled laundry and Christmas and death~
2 comments:
I sometimes "feel" that maybe I need an anti-depressant again sometimes too. They made me feel very numb, and that is what I am trying to avoid. I went off them cold turkey too, (not really a good idea) it was a roller coaster ride to hell and back at six months sober. Give yourself a break. Feeling sucks sometimes but am finding that if I would let myself feel it and "get it over with" it's not as bad as hiding it. I can totally relate to the laundry thing too. I love it when I find one of my bras tied in a knot around a dish towel in a pile of laundry on my couch. WTF!
i'm immune to anti-depressants it seems, been on 4 different one's, all with no effects or side-effects. don't know if i should consider myself lucky or unlucky... but whatever you do, don't suppress. that has a nasty habit of snowballing. good luck!
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