I want to walk with my husband in his shoes....I want to play a role in his every decision to make sure he makes what I consider to be the right ones, I want to protect him from his self destructive behavior.
I am having a hard time changing the way I think and behave.
It's always more comfortable doing what we know even if it brings us pain. Change is hard.
I am grateful in a strange way for my husband being an addict because his recovery has pushed me into doing my own self discovery.
My codependency is something I have to learn to let go of. I have to learn to let go of what my husband does and let him live his own life. This is his journey and I don't know why I thought I wasn't just along for the ride, I was driving. I know part of that stems from the fact that an addict can be very irresponsible, so as a spouse I felt I needed to take over or we would both fall apart.
I've learned now that by playing that role I didn't help either of us....addiction is strange as it seems to go against what I know regarding taking care of someone.
To take care of an addict I need to let go, as I hear over and over again in Al-anon I need to learn to detach.
Now I need to learn to let go of all that I thought was right and learn a new way to live.
I trust the big book, I trust Al-anon, so I'm going to give it a try. I don't know if I can do it~ I already have the urge to tell him what I think he needs to do today....
1 comment:
It is very hard to detach. But much to my surprise, it does get easier with practice. I was not a big believer in all the serenity, etc. when I first started. Now I find I apply the steps more often, but still don't get it right all the time.
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